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July 11, 2008
Blah
I feel kind of blah today. I think it's a combo of not enough sleep (due to going to bed late, getting up early, a cat meowing at 6am, etc.) and work. I haven't been as productive lately as I would like to be, and this is wearing on me. Right now, I've been assigned a few tasks that I hate (such as documentation) and I have a huge, complicated task looming over me.
On top of all of this, I feel a disconnect with my team, and I feel like I'm barely involved in the project at all. I was supposed to start on a new project in a month, but it was postponed/cancelled. I didn't realize how excited I was to do something new until it was taken away. The part I was looking forward to was the part that scared me the most. On this next project, I would have so much more responsibility and accountability. It would mean more work and a higher level of visibility of that work, but it would also mean more credit.
I suppose one of my problems with my current project is that when it's done, I'll just be one of the team. No one will remember my contributions. I guess I like to be noticed. I never call attention to myself, but when attention is focused on me, I like it. In fact, I think it's so much better for people to give you attention without specifically trying to get them to notice you. I also think that's why I wrote in here for so long because I never really asked any of you to read it, but you did. It made me feel like I mattered.
I wrote this in a very stream-of-consciousness way, so I don't know if any of it makes sense, but I think I feel better for writing it. Anyway, let me see if I can actually concentrate on work for a while.
Posted by BicMan at July 11, 2008 11:21 AM